“We don’t think people will understand you, so we are not going to hire you.”
What? Did I hear those words correctly? But indeed those were the words spoken to me when I called about an interview I had with an organization in Atlanta in the fall of 2004. I was fresh out of Bible college with a degree in youth ministry.
I felt like someone had slapped me.
I was born with a rare condition called Moebius Syndrome. It is so rare that I did not meet someone else with Moebius until I was 29. Moebius affects my eyesight, hearing, and speech. I am unable to make facial expressions. I grew up in a home where my dad left at three and my stepdad was verbally abusive. I was in church three times a week and very involved but I struggled with so much doubt and low self-esteem. I was bullied in school and felt very alone.
I was ready to use my gifts to be in ministry but the church wasn’t.
Churches would continue to turn me down. Even a few years ago I was talking to our pastor at the time about teaching in kids ministry and he thought I would be better suited behind a video camera.
Why is this? Why does the church respond to people with disabilities in this way? Why do we put limits on other people?
It is like the old saying out of sight out of mind.
I remember years ago talking with my wife and I was in tears. What had I done wrong? I loved Jesus and I wanted to teach but I was always kept at arm’s length.
If I felt like this I can’t imagine how many others have felt this way and continue to feel this way.
Often the church has a certain look and mold and if you don’t fit into that then you’re out.
However, life does not work like this.
After high school, I wanted to study youth ministry so I went off to Bible College. For the most part, it was a great experience, but what I did not know is that it would not prepare me for the real world.
After being rejected by churches I ended up working at a retirement home doing housekeeping and custodial work for 7 years. I questioned God every day. What was I doing wrong? Why did the church not want me?
During that time I met my wife who has and still is my biggest supporter. Heather is absolutely amazing.
A few years ago I decided to go back to grad school and become a social worker to work with families of kids with medical needs and disabilities. I am now a clinical social worker.
Here is the interesting thing. I talk all the time for my work. I can be hard to understand at times but for the most part it is a non-issue for those I work with. In fact, I have found way more acceptance of my disability outside the church than within.
Why is this?
Why is the church unwilling to embrace those unlike them? In large part, the church does not understand real life and the struggles and challenges that life brings including emotions and experiences. We have made church a place we go to instead of being the church. Real people are hurting and in many ways, the church just offers a band-aide to a gashing wound.
We have gotten away from what it truly means to follow Jesus. We have made it about believing the right thing and not about how we interact with others. We rather judge than show love because to show love may cost us something.
The church can never be the church until we embrace all people, no questions asked, no ifs and buts.
We fail to realize that we are to bring the kingdom to earth. It is not just a place we go when we die. That mentally allows us to exclude people and not love people because we have our ticket punched for Heaven and this world doesn’t matter.
If you are reading this and the church has abandoned and hurt you then I am sorry. I know what that is like and it hurts.
The question becomes how do we change the narrative? How do we change this broken system of churches only being for a certain few?
I do not have all of the answers but I think a lot of it has to do with how we define community.
For most Christians and churches their community looks, acts, and sounds just like them. For those that are not like them the church has made them the enemy. Churches are obsessed with knowing who is in and who is not. Just look at how the church responds to the LBGTQ community and how the church has treated people of color over the years.
Look at how the church treats those with disabilities, and speak up for us.
Thanks for listening to my story.
At Rest In Him 