When I’m in the middle of suffering, every single time in my life a Christian has shared with me words like, “Well, God has a plan for everything, and this will work out for your good”… I’ve wanted to punch them in the face.
I don’t want, and certainly don’t need, you telling me this. It always comes across as glib, callous, and lacking in empathy. It is received by me as “preachy” and I despise it, and you, for saying it when I’m suffering. Regardless of your loving motive… it’s hurtful and unhelpful.
The Bible is easily weaponized. Truth bombs, though true, can still cause great harm. Truth given, without wise discernment, can be brutality. Abuse. Let me explain:
The Bible is a deep well of almost unlimited spiritual truth. Medicine for our souls. But like a pharmacy that has thousands of medications, not every medicine is for you and not every medicine that is for you, is for you today.
Give the wrong medicine to the wrong person, or at the wrong time, and you can kill them.
The people who glibly toss out verses about suffering, to suffering people, are committing spiritual malpractice.
Here’s what my wife and I learned working with suffering people in small group ministry…
- Suffering is possibly the most sacred space in a human soul. And it ought to be treated as such. Sacred and holy.
- This sacred space must be entered only with permission. Even God asks permission to enter it. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” But Christians often walk in without permission, and profane this holy space.
- The person who suffers is usually overwhelmed with their pain. They often can barely get through a day. They cannot just throw a Bible verse switch to on or off, and suddenly be filled with purpose and joy. To even imply that they can, like Tim Tebow does, is immature, callous, and cruel.
- The deepest truths of the Bible are suffering truths. The very gospel is God Himself hanging on a cross, suffering. The deep spiritual truths learned in suffering can only come from the Man of Sorrows… the Sufferer himself. They cannot be learned intellectually. They cannot be embraced by an intellectual “faith.”
Those who act as though you just need to trust, like it’s a choice you can even make in the middle of suffering, need to shut up. They enter your holy of holies, uninvited, where only you and Jesus are allowed to walk. They are fools.
MY STORY
Like every single person, the soul-learning I’m experiencing in my own suffering is personal. It’s unique to me. It’s coming in stages that sometimes surprise me.
Have I learned in my soul some things I now realize I have learned through suffering? Yes. I have. But I wish like hell I hadn’t learned this way. And I wouldn’t wish my suffering on anyone.
I’ve been learning that suffering is just another form of death… it’s death on the installment plan.
And I’m learning that God hates death, hence God hates suffering. It’s the final enemy… the enemy that the New Testament teaches was both defeated at the Cross, yet still remains to be defeated. It’s a both/and truth.
I’m learning that in some of my suffering, my deaths, there have been some resurrections. But in some, I’m learning that God’s grace is truly enough for my soul, and I’m content waiting for the final great resurrection. I’m learning to be content with the truth that none of us escape suffering. None of us escape physical death.
And I’m drawing closer in an intimacy with Jesus in suffering. A wink and a nod between two sufferers. A sacredly held pain.
None of these things I’m learning are “teachable” by one human to another.
They simply cannot be taught, forced, or pressured upon anyone.
Only Christ, the suffering God on the Cross, has the ability to apply the proper medicine to a suffering soul. To make sacred the death that suffering is.
And even He will not violate that sacred space inside your soul until you ask Him in. As for me, and many other suffering souls I’ve known… it’s a lifetime slow process of tiny steps God takes.
And you cannot enter that most private of spaces.
Jesus… the Jesus of the gospel stories… is the gentlest person that ever lived. It is He who enters my soul, when I’m ready, and with my permission. And my own experience is that this entering is a slow dance with my soul… a beautiful scene like in a romantic movie. But it’s a slow, and private dance.
Do not violate the holy of holies in a suffering soul. Instead, sit with a suffering soul in solidarity. Give them space. Help them carry any load they decide they can trust you with. Listen to them. See them.
And finally, if they ask you… you may enter into the outer courtyard of their soul, understanding your sacred duty is not to be their healer. Only Jesus can truly heal the wounds of a soul, in a mystery so unique to each soul, that it cannot be taught or replicated.
So weep with those who weep. It’s enough.
At Rest In Him 